Carry Me Home

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I broke down last night. In sheer panic of what I couldn’t get myself to do, what I felt like I had to do (which seemed like anything and everything  all at once), and what I felt like I was failing at doing (life, in general)…

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As the sobbing subsided, the pointlessness of the situation-panicking about the future and not being motivated to do anything about it-became more apparent. I decided to make a change the next day. I  filled the day with intention and motivation, if not for my own sake, then in dedication for those who have always supported me. Sounds sentimental, sappy and cheesy enough, right?

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Anyhow, this change of pace began with finally venturing outside for a run. (BTW it’s National Running Day!) My first run in far too long than I care to admit…

Orange you glad you went running?

Orange you glad you went running?

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As my achy ‘ole joints carried me down the dusty road, I thought of all the people last year who I met and reunited with. Who supported me as I laughed, cried, danced, sang and smiled my way through the year. The people who carried me- at times literally-around Berkeley and brought me back to life (NOT literally).

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I realized that I shouldn’t just dedicate this run to them, but my actions throughout the day as well. To treat myself with respect and  awareness of what I was doing and how it was affecting me in the present and future. And it worked. By feeling that support tickling  the nape of my neck, that motivation, that drive and confidence came back in full force.

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 Sometimes, it’s easier to dedicate your actions to people (family, friends, soulmates, etc) who love you rather than just doing something for yourself. And by dedicating these actions and intentions to them, you are, by some transitive property, believing and supporting yourself as they have always done for you.

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